A Very Realistic Novel
by ravenneverdies
Summary: Ziva comes across a crime novel by Thom. E. Gemcity, and McGee tries to keep it from her. Set season 3/4. Technically AU, no pairings. One-shot.


**Author's Note: This is just a short scene that wouldn't leave me alone. I don't McGee really thought it through when he named his characters - how could he have possibly expected his book to remain secret? There were so many other ways that his team could have found out about it, and this is just one of them. Obviously AU (canon divergence).**

 **Also, this is my first time publishing, so reviews and constructive feedback greatly appreciated, especially on characterisation and if I've messed anything up with the formatting!**

"You know, Zee-vah, there's a reason they give out blankets on planes. So you can sleep, get some rest, and not get growled at for being late to work tomorrow."

Tony was trailing along behind Ziva, who merely smiled as she found the section she was looking for. "I personally find reading to be a very relaxing activity. There really is nothing like getting lost in a good story."

"But why didn't you bring one instead of waiting until we're ten minutes from boarding to buy one?"

"I did, indeed, bring a book with me, but I finished it during that endless stakeout."

"I thought stakeouts were your kind of thing - ya know, getting back to your good old spy days."

"I prefer . . . getting some action," she replied. Tony decided not to point out the innuendo in her statement, in the hope she'd repeat it later. "That is why I am looking for a good action book. A thriller or a crime novel or something along those paths."

"Lines, Ziva, not paths," Tony said automatically. "Come on, or we'll be late. Gibbs is already grumpy enough that there's no decent coffee here." He turned around, just to check that his boss hadn't crept up on them, but there was no sign of him.

"Fine," Ziva said. She picked up a book that had 'Award for most realistic crime novel!' written across its cover and bought it, ignoring Tony's leer at the pretty girl working behind the counter.

"You were the one saying we would be late," she called back at him. Reluctantly, Tony swung away from the counter and followed her back to the gate, where Gibbs and McGee were picking up their luggage and moving into the queue.

"About time," Gibbs muttered.

"Sorry Boss, Ziva couldn't decide," Tony said brightly. Ziva just rolled her eyes.

As they boarded, Gibbs squinted at the book Ziva was holding. "What did you get?"

"A crime novel. Apparently it is very realistic. It is written by some author I have never heard of - Thom E. Gemcity."

There was a spluttering sound behind them, and they turned around. McGee had obviously been drinking water and choked on it.

"Problem, McGee?" Gibbs asked brusquely.

"Nothing, Boss," he said, looking shocked.

A few moments later, Ziva and McGee were heading down the left aisle of the plane while Tony and Gibbs were on the right. "Don't you think you've seen enough crime in your life to not need to read about it in your spare time?" McGee said, as casually as he could.

"It is always fun to see how badly writers represent what we actually do," Ziva replied. "Even though this book is meant to be realistic, I will bet you twenty dollars that it does not come close to anything we have seen."

"Sure," McGee said faintly. At least he could get something out of this mess. Shaking his head, he swung his bag into the overhead locker and took the aisle seat, the four of them in a row in the middle of the plane.

He tried again as the plane took off. Ziva had her head turned, telling Tony about how in Israel they didn't bother with all these endless safety briefings, when McGee casually stretched out and tried to gently pull the book out of the seat-back pocket without anyone noticing. Unfortunately Gibbs, who obviously wasn't as asleep as he was pretending to be, said, "What are you doing, McGee?"

Tim froze. Tony and Ziva looked round at him. "Uh, I just wanted to read the blurb of Ziva's book, that's all," he said.

Ziva frowned. "You have been acting strangely today, McGee. Are you well?"

He flushed. "Yeah, I'm fine, I was just curious. Sorry."

"Don't apologise, McGee," Tony drawled. "Rule 6, remember?"

McGee nodded awkwardly and turned away, pulling his laptop out of his bag and working on some code for a project for Abby until he was sure that they'd stopped watching him. Ziva had opened the book and was a chapter or two in already. She had a slight frown on her face and was reading intently.

Tony, ever the master of observation when it came to Ziva, said, "Not as good as you thought it would be, eh?"

"Actually, Tony, it is too good," she said slowly.

"Never heard that one before. Heard a few, but not that. You sure you know what the word 'good' means, Ziva?"

"No, Tony, it is too realistic," she said. "Look, read this description of the crime scene."

Tony's mouth moved as he read. "The petty officer's corpse . . . Tibbs takes a gulp from his coffee and says, 'Tommy, shoot and sketch; McGregor, bag and tag; Lisa, talk to the witnesses.' . . . Pulling out the liver probe, Pimmy Jalmer looks up at Tibbs . . ." He stared at Ziva. "Ok, I gotta admit, this is kind of creepy. That's us, right there. He barely even changed the names."

"More than that, how did the author find all this information?" Ziva asked. "Has there been someone stalking us for months?"

Tony turned to Gibbs. "Boss, I think we need to seriously investigate this when we get back. We could have a major flaw in our security."

Gibbs looked at Ziva and Tony's worried expressions, and then his gaze slid past them to McGee's bright red face. Tim met his eye for a moment, and then looked away shamefully.

" 'L. J. Tibbs?' " Gibbs said, pronouncing each syllable clearly. "That really the best you can do, McGee?"

"Oh my god," Ziva said softly. "You wrote a book based on us? And sold it? And never told us?"

"Uh, well, look, I was going to tell you sometime," McGee stuttered.

"Oh really?" Tony asked. He grabbed the book from Ziva's hand and flicked through it. "Lisa walks seductively into the bullpen . . . Tommy, like always, is being a class A prat . . . Tibbs is in his normal foul pre-coffee mood . . ."

"Don't suppose I can get that twenty dollars off you for that bet, Ziva?" Tim asked brightly.

She looked at him and his composure faltered. "I think, McGee," she said dangerously, "that you have already won enough money from this book, no? And if you even try to steal this book back off me, I will make you flinch at the mere sight of a stapler."

"I get it, don't worry," McGee said hurriedly, holding up his hands. Meanwhile Tony guffawed.

"Just you wait until Abby hears what you have to say about Amy's dress sense, McGeek!"

McGee let his face fall into his hands and sighed. It was going to be a long flight.


End file.
